Building blocks

I Didn’t expect this to happen in Coaching Session

Whether it's baby boomers, generation X to generation Y, and now generation Z.


One things is for sure.


Each generation is either one of three things:  connected, disconnected and/or overlapping.  


As such, we have to be willing to adjust, adapt and understand that  each generation is different.


To further to that point, in addition to generational differences, it's different for every child.



What does being a child means to you?

But what does being a child means to you?


This was the question posed to several youngsters.


The answers ranged from the happiest time of their life to having many responsibilities or just feeling overwhelmed from time to time. 


Truth is adults/ parents may see things differently from children - of course we do.


Our minds are more developed, but weren't we once that age? 



Growing Up

Growing up in different time periods has sparked countless debates, different generations feeling a certain a way towards others.


Children are little people with real feelings, BIG feelings and they understand things from their point of view. They rely on guidance from persons they look up to.


The point of all this is that we all want to be understood.



There is an emotional side of Our children that needs Our attention. 
Things and times will change but the need for love, understanding, and having the core basics of healthy relationships remain static regardless of which generational group we fall in. 

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Coaching a Youngster

Most of my clients were either late teens or adults but there was one youngster that stumbled onto my path.


The child was only 9 years old and had a really short fuse. His name was Sean*


Sean's parents had separated and he was living with his Grandparents, while his Mother explored working opportunities overseas.


Sean's family members usually wonder why he would fight and swear over a simple disagreement with his cousins.


To fewer extent even children at school.


At first glance, I thought look at such a sweet face, what on earth could be bothering him so much.


What did he really wanted to say?



Lets TALK

Sean was feeling really down recently and he began to talk to me about what he was feeling.


He felt really sad but didn't know the cause. 


We talked about general stuff until it got more specific, then finally he started to tell me about events that took place when he was much younger, that he still remembered to this day. 


He spoke about his parents fighting several times and also happier times.


"They don't know that I remember" he kept adding.


He didn't believe that his parents knew that he remembers these events. 


How did he feel about all of this?


Feeling like his voice was not being heard by his family when expressing himself and sometimes he felt the urge to harm himself and write a note so they can just listen for once.


I expressed my concerns to his grandparents and they are working on their communication.


Conclusion


Parenting is one of the toughest jobs out there without a clock out time.


We are responsible for someone else's life, and they look to us for guidance.


But a lot of times we get caught up with our "adult problems" that we forget that little ones are sitting there soaking up everything (good and bad) like sponges.


In many cases, it affects them, and in Sean's case, not only did he miss his Mother but he was battling unpleasant memories from preschooler years.


In addition to being bullied by his older cousins (who had their own issues).


After expressing this thoughts Sean felt better and will continue to work on these issues he faces daily.


He is seeing better days already.


Lets be a little more cognizant of the fact that those little eyes and ears are on high alter when we are busy with the financial side of things and with our own life or whatever we are dealing with at that point.


There is an emotional side of Our children that needs Our attention. 


Things and times will change but the need for love, understanding, and having the core basics of healthy relationships remain static regardless of which generational group we fall in.   

Sean* name withheld

Ben di tree wen it young, wen it old, it wi bruk.


TRANSLATION: Bend the tree when it is young, when it gets old it will break.


MEANINGS AND EXPLANATIONS: Teach children what they need to know when they’re young so they mature into respectful and productive adults.

                    - Jamaican Proverbs

  

SUMMARY

The Problem:

Children are little people with real feelings, BIG feelings and they understand things from their point of view. They rely on guidance from persons they look up to. 


Hear them out.


The Solution:

Lets be a little more cognizant of the fact that those little eyes and hears are on high alter when we are busy with the financial side of things and with our own life or whatever we are dealing with at that point.

There is an emotional side of Our children that needs Our attention. 

Things and times will change but the need for love, understanding, and having the core basics of healthy relationships remain static regardless of which generational group we fall in.   

15 thoughts on “I Didn’t expect this to happen in Coaching Session”

  1. Shaneka Boothe

    I too believe that children live what they learn and the bad actions of their parents can impact them negatively. Most parents believe that because their kids are youths, they can’t feel but I disagree! Children feel!! They feel everything!!! I think it’s time majority of these households listens to what their child has to say, stop neglecting their feelings and seeing them expressing themselves about how they feel as disrespect. Children brains are developing, so they live what they learn.

  2. It’s good to hear that you saw past Sean’s behavior to see the sad, lonely, and confused boy underneath. I’m sure that being heard by someone helped him immensely. You’re very correct, children are little emotional sponges, trying to deal with feelings that are 100x bigger than them. Thank you so much for sharing!!

  3. Back to our main blog: RubyHemMinistries.com I’m a prime example of children living what they learn. I see it so frequently in myself and why I have PTSD / CPTSD. Thanks for helping to give children the life that the truly deserve.

  4. It is absolutely true, little ones absorb all the energies around them. They feel our worries and struggles, our joy and calmness. And my son confirmed this to me every time.

  5. I believe this so much – kids can pick up on SO MUCH and really absorb energies, sounds, and feelings passed around them. Thank you for writing this post to bring to the attention of many. Great read.

  6. So glad that you were a wonderful sounding board for this sweet kiddo! It’s so important to model positive behavior(s) for our youngsters. As someone with a background in social work, my husband thought I was a little “crazy” (used lightly lol) when I suggested therapy for our son at the age of 5; however, it has been one of the best things for him! He attends weekly art therapy sessions, and loves being able to express himself to another adult through art. It has also tremendously helped our communication/better understand his needs.

    1. I am happy to hear his progress, a lot of our troubles that we as adults struggle with is rooted in our childhood experiences of some sort.

  7. Emotional well being is very important for a child. When the feelings of a child isn’t a priority for the grown-ups in their lives, it creates a barrier as they grow.

  8. children will understand and observe things around us pretty quickly.
    this is the thing that most households couldn’t understand.
    it’ll be a great resource for those parents to understand the reality!
    thank you for sharing!

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